As it was getting later in the evening, working on the tomatoes, I started getting a little freaked out about what would happen when I went to bed and tried to take off the scarf. Would it all come out? Oh how I hate the emotion involved in these kind of things! I was thankful that as I was waiting for the two batches of sauce in the water bath, I was reminded about some letters and notes that I had been meaning to write. I sat down and got going on those while the timer kept my tomatoes in check.
It was a blessing to have my mind taken off the "freaking out thoughts" and I got some of my letters written at the same time. I loaded and started the dishwasher and headed to bed. I stood in the bathroom and after taking off the scarf, I pulled out some hair. It didn't hurt at all, so I just kept going. Maybe, I could just get it all out now and be done with it. Well, no, it wasn't all coming out so I stopped when I thought I had "evenly" thinned out my hair enough to go to sleep. This is Friday night, tomorrow is Saturday.
I got into bed and jumped back into the book I have been reading As Silver Refined. As I laid there more of those thoughts kept coming to my mind. Ugh...who wants to go through this? I mean, I know I CAN but who really wants to? The dread was building and I was starting to get stressed out and here we are bedtime, the worst time to start letting your mind race.
I focused back on the book. In my time in the Word in the past couple of years, the Lord has been challenging me to BE righteous, to BE holy, because that is what I am in Him. The living in boldness and giving my doubts and missteps to Him has been a blessing in my life and in my walk with Him. I say that because when I focused back on my book the section I was finishing ended with Philippians 4:8.
This is how I saw the words as my Shepherd calmed my heart during this strange and unnerving moment. Here are how the words read from the heart of my Jesus:
Jody...you are true, you are honest, you are just, you are pure, you are LOVELY, you are virtuous, you are of good report.
In this time of "freaking out", My Shepherd chose to comfort me and tell me what He sees as my hair is falling out in my sink, and my pillow. It made this girl want to get a good night's sleep, wake up and BE these things! (After I go to Johanna's and get the rest shaved off!)
I got a great night of sleep and today was the day...
Without too much fuss at the salon, I shared my thoughts with everyone from my journal, we prayed and away we went. There actually wasn't much more on the floor of the salon than there was in my garbage can from last night. I guess I got a pretty good start on it!
|I love my hairdresser!|
It is another step along this way, but as Zachary always says "Mom, when the bad medicine is done, it is just going to grow back!" He is absolutely right!
I am not sure how much of my bald head will be seen after this post, but here it is today. Thank you all for your prayers!