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Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Survivor Files: Extreme Fatigue

I hit a low on Monday night. I got to enjoy my day with Dawn and some movie distraction but there was a point when my brain went a little wacky and I would say I was feeling a little "mental". Over the years I can tell when I am starting down that road with my thoughts but experience has taught me how to divert my attention to something outside of myself and move past that feeling.

I got myself to bed and laying there wanted to read to get my mind off of my extreme fatigue. It was almost like I was in disbelief that I could feel so wiped out. I couldn't even get myself to turn over. My brain was tuned in to how extremely tired I was and that there is nothing I can do about it. I remember telling David when he came in to check on me that I could use about three more Labor Days in a row. The idea of getting back into real life after the long weekend was very overwhelming.

I was surprised that 6:45 a.m. came and I was up and getting the kids going. A shower helped this morning and I got the middle schooler's out to school at 7:30 and kept telling myself what the doctor had told me when I had days like this. My doctor and trainer have both said even when you have really low energy days if you can just get up and go for a short walk in the fresh air it will do you good.

Matthew and I walk 2 blocks to school every morning. I kept telling myself as we were getting ready that there is my short walk for the day. I got there, watched him walk in and caught all of his thrown kisses and turned around and walked slowly back home. That is when I promptly walked through the house, to my bedroom and climbed right back into bed. I was so hoping for a little sign of energy returning today but that was it. I slept til 11 a.m. when I forced myself up.

I slowly worked on the boys' laundry load by load and got it folded while I distracted myself with some quilting shows I had DVR'd. It was a little after two o'clock when I got a phone call that I certainly wasn't expecting. It seems that my ENT had a chance to look at my thyroid ultrasound. The nodules have grown and he wants to do another biopsy. I really had to try hard not to cry on the phone with the nurse. She said they will get it scheduled with the hospital and get back with me. Two biopsies of my thyroid nodules in the same year. I am praying that I get the same doctor to do my biopsy as I had last spring. My memory of the experience was compassion from everyone in the room. At least I have met my deductible!

With this day almost behind me I think it was for days like this that I purchased a ring on sale a couple of weeks ago. With it on my finger, I well remember:

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change; 
Courage to change the things I can; 
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Living one day at a time; 
Enjoying one moment at a time; 
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 
Taking, as He did, this sinful world 
As it is, not as I would have it; 
Trusting that He will make all things right 
If I surrender to His Will; 
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life 
And supremely happy with Him 
Forever and ever in the next. 

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