Friday From the Heart: Your Heart's Desire

I received a sweet gift from my sister-in-law down south this week. Michelle has been such a blessing to my life for so many years. I still have the very first letter she wrote me while I was in college. She had figured out that I may be a serious contender for her brother and wanted to introduce herself. I just love her!

She sent me a beautiful devotion book and a great card (she knows how to pick them!) Well, to be truthful, there was ONE problem. I am a firstborn rule follower and this devotion book is dated starting with January 1st. Now if I had received this for Christmas, it wouldn't be so bad, but this is September! I really had to go against my natural tendency because I wasn't going to wait til January to dig in.

It helped that the package came on September 13th. Okay, it was the triplet's birthday. I wonder what this devotion will be. Can you say "God Moment"? Instead of typing it all out, I took a picture of the page because I got shivers.

You see, for almost ten years we wanted to be parents and weren't given much hope that it would happen on our own. During those years as I look through journals and journals, I looked up and studied EVERY verse in the Bible that talked about prayer, how to ask, how could God answer? Would he answer? The best and most hopeful place I would always fall back into is Psalm 37:4. I learned it "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart."

I wanted to know the delighting. I spent months, even years sharing with God how much I wanted to delight in Him. After awhile though, thinking I was delighting in Him, I changed my focus. I started praying "Lord, if children are NOT your will for me, then PLEASE (and I begged Him for years) PLEASE take the desire away. If I am not to be a mother, take away the desire. I want to delight in You, I want to know your word and how to live in your will but if parenting is not in my future, TAKE AWAY THE DESIRE!

More months and years went by and it was STILL a desire. It was then slowly, that He unveiled his plan for us, and each step of the way, through the waiting and through the prayers, the tears, the heartache and the fear, we knew it was Him, it was His plan. Infertility is such a hard road. It is even harder on the other side to reach out to those who are still traveling that road. Oh boy, could I share some stories.

So, when I started reading (on September 13th, the anniversary of the day we became parents times three) "What did you want more than anything else in the world when you were a little girl? Maybe having a pony or being a princess..." No, THIS girl wanted to be a mommy. That was it, a wife and a mommy.

What a very fitting start to my new devotion book, my hearts desire...just a reminder again that I am still living this miracle every. single. day.