We were talking about next week and how the girls want to go to chemo with me. The last one. I have thought about that a lot today and there are really mixed feelings about things. I am pretty sure that I am mixed because I am feeling a little in limbo without another step after "last chemo". I like to have a plan. I know that we will, in fact, I might find out more about it next Tuesday.
Then there is the fact that it will be January 3rd...a new year. A new deductible to meet. That will just be lumped on top of the chunk we are already working on month by month as long as the doctor offices and hospital will allow. It is humbling. When I was diagnosed with cancer back in June of 2013 for the first time, I never imagined that cancer treatment would still be in the picture at the beginning of 2017. No one plans for this.
There was a helper in my kitchen for supper tonight which was pancakes since I am a little wiped out. While Stacey flipped pancakes it was time for me to fill up my old lady pill box since I had emptied the last slot last night. Have you ever felt a brick wall of blah rise up? I get them sometimes. I was sorting pills thinking "what in the world?" This STINKS!
There is a pill for every symptom I have (and a few symptoms have multiple pills). There are a lot of pills. I can't even fit them all in my A.M. slot. I should have a lunch slot but I didn't want to buy a whole new pill case (because I am really believing with everything that I have that this is a TEMPORARY situation) so I just take my three at lunch from the bottles. I don't take as many at night so they still fit. I don't know what it was when I got all those bottles out and the pill cutter and all of the rest...I just got that yuck feeling.
It was right about that time when the craziness of this life I have been living for the last six months kinda caught up to me. The introduction for the song Battles started on the radio. I stopped and listened (you can too if you click the link up there)...
This current is trying to wreck me
Like castles of sand, castles of sand
My fear, like an enemy army
Is marching again, but I’m making a stand
You surround me on every side
Your love is my armor, I fear no evil
Darkness runs from Your light
So I won’t be afraid, I won't be afraid