Friday From the Heart: The Little Girl In That Big Desk

She sat quietly in the large over sized desk that had been pulled out of one of the classrooms close by. When the big kids walked past looking at her, she just knew they were thinking that she was naughty. It was the mid 1970's and she attended a school in a small community in southern Minnesota. The building housed all of grades K-12 stretched across one of the town blocks. She usually spent her days on the other end where each student in the district began their school career as kindergartners.

But, today was a special day. Today the kindergartners had walked all the way from their end of the school through the halls until they got to the big gym. Today was the day, the annual Christmas program would be tonight and they were there to practice, a dress rehearsal of sorts. There was an excitement as they made their way through the school to where the big kids were in class. She knew her classmates were excited about their families coming to see the program later in the evening.

She also knew as she sat, that her family would not be there. She didn't celebrate Christmas. She didn't understand it all back then but what she had learned was that no one knows exactly when Jesus was born and the Bible doesn't tell us to celebrate Jesus' birth so her family didn't.

Oh how she tried not to like the sweet song about that baby as the notes and words  floated out to where her ears could hear. Her grandma had taught her a song on her organ called "Jesus Loves Me" and she got that same feeling when she heard about that baby, the one with "no crib for a bed". The words almost sounded prayer like and every time she heard it she couldn't help but be drawn to it.

She knew she shouldn't be. They had practiced for the last month or so and every time she, sitting outside of the music room, heard every song. And now she sat outside the door of the big gym in that big kid desk where she could hear it all again. She tried not to, but there was something about the baby in that song.

As the years went by she grew and learned more about why Christmas wasn't something her family celebrated. She sat outside a few more music rooms through the years too. She was eighteen when she understood Jesus as her Savior and knew she should ask Him to forgive her sins and be baptized. Not too many years after that she started to read more in her Bible about what she thought she believed.

It wasn't until she was married and working in a small office where a local radio station played all day over the speakers, that things started to click for her. During December they would play holiday songs like most stations do. Manheim Steamroller recorded a beautiful song, a rendition of Silent Night that would always cause her to stop for a bit and just listen. That little twinge would come to her again "I'm not supposed to like this song".

She would read parts in her Bible that she didn't understand and asked for wisdom with a heart that wanted to know and to be His. Romans 11 and Galatians 3 were important to her in that the church does not replace Israel and that salvation because of His blood and His love, is for everyone who believes, not just a special group of people. It is all about Him.

With a better understanding and a growing trust in the sovereignty of God through some of life's tough storms, Christmas became very important for her. From the very first one she celebrated as an adult in 1997 to today, each year brings November and Thanksgiving to begin the season. Every Christmas for her begins with thanks.

It was during one of her times with Him, during her favorite time of year, when she realized that the very creator of the entire universe came to the earth in the body of a baby. She pondered that for a very long time. And, she remembered the song, the song about the Baby. With a love like that, "veiled in flesh the Godhead", she understood better the sacrifice that He came for ONE REASON, to die for her sins, to love her THAT MUCH! It made her not only see herself in a different Light, but see everyone around her differently. All redeemable by the very Lord of the Universe!

She had to accept that gift. She knew it wasn't her own choice, but it was His back in that hallway outside the high school gym. It was there where He called to her heart and let her know that she was His. So, if you ever see her at the Christmas Eve service singing with her family and it is time for Away in a Manger, you will see tears rolling off of her cheeks. Every time she hears the voices of her children sing about that Baby - the Lord of this Universe, veiled in flesh, she remembers the little girl and how God called her to Himself in that public school hallway.