Friday From the Heart: Fighting My Battles

My favorite week of the year is the week between Christmas and New Year's. I love how there is very little on the schedule, David takes work off and the kids are home from school. We are excited to have even more time off this year than we have ever had. We aren't returning to school til next Wednesday!

We were talking about next week and how the girls want to go to chemo with me. The last one. I have thought about that a lot today and there are really mixed feelings about things. I am pretty sure that I am mixed because I am feeling a little in limbo without another step after "last chemo". I like to have a plan. I know that we will, in fact, I might find out more about it next Tuesday.

Then there is the fact that it will be January 3rd...a new year. A new deductible to meet. That will just be lumped on top of the chunk we are already working on month by month as long as the doctor offices and hospital will allow. It is humbling. When I was diagnosed with cancer back in June of 2013 for the first time, I never imagined that cancer treatment would still be in the picture at the beginning of 2017. No one plans for this.

There was a helper in my kitchen for supper tonight which was pancakes since I am a little wiped out. While Stacey flipped pancakes it was time for me to fill up my old lady pill box since I had emptied the last slot last night. Have you ever felt a brick wall of blah rise up? I get them sometimes. I was sorting pills thinking "what in the world?" This STINKS!

There is a pill for every symptom I have (and a few symptoms have multiple pills). There are a lot of pills. I can't even fit them all in my A.M. slot. I should have a lunch slot but I didn't want to buy a whole new pill case (because I am really believing with everything that I have that this is a TEMPORARY situation) so I just take my three at lunch from the bottles. I don't take as many at night so they still fit. I don't know what it was when I got all those bottles out and the pill cutter and all of the rest...I just got that yuck feeling.

It was right about that time when the craziness of this life I have been living for the last six months kinda caught up to me. The introduction for the song Battles started on the radio. I stopped and listened (you can too if you click the link up there)...

This current is trying to wreck me

Like castles of sand, castles of sand

My fear, like an enemy army

Is marching again, but I’m making a stand

You surround me on every side

Your love is my armor, I fear no evil

Darkness runs from Your light

So I won’t be afraid, I won't be afraid

You’re going before me and oceans are parting

You’re fighting my battles

When my feet are failing and my heart is shaking

You’re fighting my battles

You're fighting my battles

You're fighting my battles

You're fighting my battles

Time after time, You’re my refuge

You heal every scar, You’re guarding my heart

Your promise, the hope that I cling to

My rescue, my friend, You come rushing in

In my weakness, You are strong

Every trouble, You have overcome

In my weakness, You are strong

Every trouble, You have overcome

In my weakness, You are strong

Every trouble, You have overcome

You have overcome

I will overcome...He is fighting these battles. Tonight, most of the fighting is being done in my mind with all of these random yuck thoughts coming up one after the other. I have to remember it is okay to just be still and let Him do the fighting. It is okay to be still and give Him my bill worries. It is okay to be still and take my pills, and it is okay to be still and watch as He unveils the plans for the next bend in my road.