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Friday, April 17, 2015

Survivor Files: From the Heart This Friday

I drive by this stretch of 380 multiple times a week. For the last couple of years there was always a surgery on the schedule that hung over my mind even if I wasn't consciously thinking about it. I know this only because since February when I started driving by here again after my final surgery I have a lot less heaviness when I look over to the left. I have been breathing easier without that hidden stress associated with passing by the hospital.

It is crazy how our mind works. I had a very busy day today. I deep cleaned my master bathroom this morning and then I gathered all of the bins of clothes too big yet for some, and outgrown by others. These said bins have been stashed everywhere in this house since we have moved here. There was a stack that we have gone thorough digging for something to fit as the kids have been growing, but I haven't had anything organized for a long time!  It felt good to have things all in one place. Not only that, I have begun to sort them out. A little bit of normal stuff does the heart good. Tomorrow I will take it a little easier and work on some "sitting down" chores. There are still some pain areas that flair up now and then but I am thankful that those days are fewer and more far between. Not overdoing it is still something that I have to keep reminding myself.

I have also been running around a lot this week so just being home and not having any place to go for enough time to tackle a big project was nice. I had a little extra time to read too and I found myself in 2 Samuel and Psalms. Here are a few of the great highlights...some of the reminders I really needed as my heart and my mind catch up with my body that has been healing much better this time around!

  • Psalm 138:3 In the day when I cried out, You answered me and made me bold with strength in my soul.
  • Psalm 139:11-12  If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me, even the night shall be light about me; Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, but the night shines as the day; the darkness and the light are both alike to You."
  • 2 Samuel 22:3-4 The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; the God of my strength, in whom I trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge; my Savior, You saved me from violence. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; so shall I be saved from my enemies.
  • 2 Samuel 22:32-34 For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? god is my strength and power, and He makes my way perfect. He makes by feet like the feet of deer, and sets me on my high places.
Sometimes when I get discouraged about the speed of my heart recovery or the expectations that are not being met on the mental and emotional side, it is a blessing to hear from the One who holds my strength. I was reminded of the things that God has done and keeps on doing for me. I will be honest, there is a whole lot more to the mental and emotional recovery than I expected. When there is cancer in your body the most important thing is to get it out, you tell yourself that you will deal with the rest later. That is probably very normal, I am just now face to face with later. That is where I find myself today.

The before and after pictures in the plastic surgeons office are one thing, but the reconstruction of life is an ongoing process. So when you wonder how I am doing, I would say a quick "great" with a smile. It is the inside stuff that gets worked out along the way as we get used to the new normal. That is where I am right now. Accepting the decisions we made in that time of distress and not second guessing what may have been "better". It was cancer, nothing is "better" than where I am right now. Cancer-free!

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