Surprise MOM!

There is a boy in the center of these pictures who amazes me every day. I think I have mentioned before that I think Zach's native language is music. Show choir is also in his blood. The way that he presents himself on stage I know he has taken what his director and any judges who have ever critiqued and put it into his routine.

So today was the second of three of their competitions and it is hosted by our high school. Friday night, the middle schools compete. I have been busy getting ready for the weekend as the cafeteria director making sure everyone will have something to eat. I will not lie, I am laying here in my bed, flat typing this only because I have to get fluid into me because I am feeling dehydrated. We will do things a little different tomorrow.

I took two breaks, one when Ryan and Dawn performed their exhibition and then later in the night when Zach performed with the middle school. I had snapped a few pictures when I could see him and then sat back to hear the rest of the show. From where I sat, I knew that I could see him best during the first song.

Surprise Mom!!! Up to the mic he went and sang the solo that he is the back up for. OH NO!!!! I don't have my video ready! My camera either. I wasn't expecting that at all. I have had three kids who now have had  back up solos and this is the first time anyone has ever sung the back up. For Zach, this is the second time this year.

Yes, I sat there bawling. I had been working all day and was glad for the break to sit on a chair and just watch, not worried for a few moments how we are going to feed people tomorrow when we are running out of chicken. (That has all been worked out). For just a moment I listened to my fourth born and praised God for what He has done in this boy. Is he a typical 12 year old? Yes! Am I always after him to remember to do his homework or work on a scout project or any number of things? Yes.

I cry with joy tonight because so many times I have cried to Him because I was not sure I knew how to parent this wonderful yet very complex child who I loved more than I loved myself. Here I sit again with tears in my eyes. Life is SO RICH!!!

So, no pictures of the boy with the mic in his hand yet. But I will be looking through some that were taken tonight and hope to find one or two. When I do, I will post. His dad asked him if he was nervous and he said yes he was very nervous. I would have never been able to tell. Solid and strong was the voice I heard.

Tomorrow is the high school competition. I need to get to bed, but while this joy is heavy on my heart, I want to share because life around here isn't just about cancer. The Sloans love to sing and we love to dance...most of us anyway!

Trust Test

After our meeting with the doctor last week I have to admit, I have been pretty down through the weekend. Then we got another test result  back into my online portal and it didn't look that great. (Never think you know what a result means if you really don't) David was going to be home today because of President's Day and so we were going to sit down and figure out what our insurance covers and then how to go about getting a second opinion.

We had come up with a few questions and concerns after our meeting and so over the weekend I got online and emailed them to my oncologist. Today I had a chance to talk to my doctor and was very happy to hear that she had already addressed most of the questions and concerns. The other things she agreed with me. She took time and explained some things to me. She had already sent a message to the radiology department to get them to re-read last week's PET report and include specific measurements that would correlate with the areas that were specifically measured in November.

There was a number that she was looking for in the molecular test results that wasn't listed in that report and she had already called to get that result. They did not run that test, so she called pathology at St. Lukes where my samples are and is having them run the test. This will help her to better understand the molecular test and other possible treatment options.

When those things get done by Friday or Monday she will have my file sent up to Mayo to have more eyes look at my case. She said we could be dealing with a couple of different things. We just need to know and to find that she has been on top of getting a better picture of where to go from here. This was a relief. They are going to schedule me for another PET scan first week in March. By the time my next treatment comes around we may be tweaking it a little.

I am thankful for my brother Josiah who spent time on Saturday researching stuff for me without me even knowing. When Betsy asked how I was doing I told her about one of the drugs that my doc had mentioned and sure enough, Josiah knew that it was one they have had some success with. I have an amazing circle. I love you all. 

It is much easier with a plan and knowing that something is being done. God doesn't give us that every time. He knows that I need to learn to trust more deeply. This is not fun. I have a feeling there will be more to this test on this road. I hope to make Him proud.

Friday From the Heart: Sometimes the Scars Show

Today I may sound a little weary, a little wounded and a little "downcase oh my soul". It has been a rough couple of days wondering what is going on with these reports and if what I am doing on this protocol is doing anything to help me. I certainly want to be ahead of things and not losing ground.

I have plenty of physical scars that show I have been in a battle. Not just a battle...several. There is no doubt in my mind that I have been fighting. I think that some of my emotional scars may be showing a little more this week as it is very wearying to feel almost like we are back as square one where we were in November before we had done any testing at all.

I wish that I could sing it to you, or play it for you from my CD player but there is a song that I have sung to two of my children every night. (well, one is now 16 and most of the time goes to bed after me so she doesn't really ask for me to sing anymore) But there is still one more who asks for it every night. I often ask when he will stop wanting me to sing a song to him before bed and he looks at me kinda funny like "what?"

I thank Sandy Valdes who taught kindergarten down the hall from me when we lived in Georgia. Some days I would get the elementary kids going in the computer lab on an assignment and want to put on some music in the background. Sandy had all the great kids music and I borrowed a couple of CD's from her. I loved the music on them so much that when we were able to be parents ourselves I eBay'ed and got every one of the Heaven's Sake Kids CDs that I could find.

The triplets spent their first months in the living room and their bedroom and David burned all of these awesome CD's into one MP3 disk and we just had the music going in my MP3 player all day long. Some of the songs became "night night" songs. Sadly, a few of the CD's were not original and were burned and advertised as if they were new in the case. That made me mad. Of course, the favorite song was on one of those burned CD's and it doesn't play well anymore. But we know the song in our hearts, all of us in the Sloan house:

Don't You Worry

(Heaven's Sake Kids - Faith Songs)

Sometimes you feel afraid, you want to hide away

You're oh so worried about the problems in your life.

But Jesus knows what you're going through, and He wants to help you.

So don't you worry, don't you cry. Don't you worry, 

'Cause Jesus.....is nearby

The singing on some occasions means more to the mom than it does to the child. In this case, it is true. Last night I could hardly choke myself through it as the message was delivered right to me. So, if anyone knows how to get ahold of a real (not burned) copy of the Heaven's Sake Kids - Faith Songs CD, let me know because I am keeping all this music to play for my GRANDCHILDREN and I would love a good version of this CD. I kinda listened to most of it this afternoon (the parts that weren't all garbled) and the whole CD is full of songs that grown ups can certainly use too.

There are rough times, and I feel like this is a rough spot for me. I can usually shake stuff in a couple of days but uncertainty is something that I don't do well. I am again turning to the One who knows my every cell and every thought and every care. It isn't easy this time, I will be honest. Trusting is definitely something I have felt that I have made progress in while I walk with Him but I obviously have some more work to do. The work is let it go...that seems like it would be easy, especially when I don't want to hold on to the worry and fear. I will leave today's post with one of my favorite "grown up" songs with the same sweet message. This one you can listen to because it is a little more well known and on YouTube!

Psalm 55:22
Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee.
He will never suffer the righteous to be moved.

Carrying On #4

I am not sure how to really report on today. It was not terrible and it was not great. Whoever it was who wrote up the report for the PET scan did not write it up so it was easy to compare it to the PET scan in November. There were no measurements to compare and it showed a large spot on the left side that is larger than it was. Then, instead of a large area on the right that was there in November, the only thing this report says about the right is that there were "other scattered hypodensities of the right hepatic lobe".

Scattered hypodensities sounds better than and almost 5 cm area that was on the report in November. There was also a note "The lack of IV contrast limits evaluation of the soft tissues on the CT images". When I was in there on Monday it seemed like the injection was really quick. I have done that test two times before and it seemed a lot quicker this time. So, I am not so sure that the scan was good. I would have liked some measurements.

So, the large area on the left lobe is larger but on the picture you can see in November three smaller areas that weren't there on Monday's pictures. Even though the doc says it isn't a great report she told us that all of my liver enzyme numbers are better and my symptoms are better. So, today we are carrying on. I got my fourth treatment today.

We also talked about the molecular testing that has come back. They don't think it is HER 2+ but instead the molecular testing comes back as a triple negative cancer. We have to think about that. That would be a different protocol of course. We are going to do another PET as soon as the insurance allows.

In the meantime I will have another echo cardiogram to be sure that my heart is doing well through all of this on March 5th. After that we are putting off treatment #5 for six days so that the family can travel to Auntie Chelle's wedding. I told the doc today that I am not going to miss that and am not going to have treatment #5 and then get into the car for a road trip! We can't wait! It will be a great distraction.

I was going to quick come home, write a blog and then go off to worship practice. I was glad to be able to pause and do an actual mom thing. Someone had been coloring with a Sharpie marker on the table. He was trying to wash it off with a wipe and was not having any luck. He was upset that it happened and I told him that it is a good lesson to learn for a fourth grader. I told him I was sure that someone had a solution for the problem and that he should look up on google "Sharpie on wood". He came out and told me that it said toothpaste! I think he was a little surprised when I told him to run and get some. Sure enough, after some work, it was all gone. Not only did he learn that he needs to put something under paper when he uses Sharpies, I taught him how to clean up his own mess, and also how to look up how to clean up messes. It was good.

Guess who asked Dad to buy Mom
Valentine's flowers when they were out?

Then at worship practice the songs were so perfect for today. Great is Thy Faithfulness is a good way to end tonight.

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
Refrain
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Refrain
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
Refrain

Being Busy

I have been trying to get things accomplished before tomorrow's treatment. The thing is, I haven't given myself enough down time in the last week. Yesterday I was exhausted and felt awful. Today was another of the many snow days and this time it was a true snow day as there was eight inches that fell overnight and that is a lot at once. The kids went out this morning and cleared it out, unfortunately not quick enough to beat the mailman.

We have lost track of how many snow days we have had. They just called a two hour delay for the morning too. I didn't have to go anywhere today but it is a big day away from home tomorrow. I hope that the roads are cleared and the wind isn't too terrible.

We did however, have a little adventure this weekend when Stacey captured a mouse in the pantry. It was good timing because a pantry purge/reorganize was a long time overdue. Unfortunately we didn't find the mouse. So it looks like we are still on the hunt.

Stacey is off her crutches and out of her boot so she spent Sunday afternoon pulling everything out and sweeping, washing down the shelves. There were quite a few things that were way past the expiration dates and so that emptied one shelf! I was also able to get my canning things all gathered into one closet and organized. I pulled the label maker out and went to town. It was fun.

It was then that I noticed the basket that I keep my label maker in. The label I had made for the label maker was spelled wrong!! Ha Ha!! How long had I been making labels with this tool and had not noticed for FIVE years that lable was spelled wrong! You can believe that I made a new label before I put the basket back on the shelf.

It was all good. Monday I had my PET scan and tomorrow we will find out how the chemo is taking care of my liver. If all looks good, we will have treatment number four.

I will post tomorrow when we are back home and let everyone know how it goes. Thank you all for the prayers. We are so thankful!

Back in the "Classroom" for Me!

I am more than half way done with an online course I started back before I was diagnosed in November. I took the Substitute Authorization class coming up on three years ago, just a bit BEFORE they changed the expiration to FIVE years until you need to take 2 credits of continuing ed. So my expiration date is only THREE years after my initial training and is to expire at the end of March.

I went online this past weekend only to find out that my time had expired. Thankfully all it took was a quick email to Grant Wood AEA to let them know that I have been distracted with cancer treatments and they were happy to extend my time for me. The class I am taking is Google Aps 101! Yes...I know, but listing through the options, after the obvious class for substitute teachers, (only 1 credit) this was the only thing I found that would actually be useful.

It has been somewhat useful. The couple of committees that I am currently on use Google Drive so I can truthfully say that I am using this in real life! Since I am not in a classroom I have found it interesting doing some of the assignments. I have put many of my contacts into my gmail account and been using some of the documents generated by the committees I mentioned above. However, today when I was supposed to make a spreadsheet and embed a chart into it...well, I realize, I make a lot of spreadsheets but not many that include a whole lot of data to chart.

Since I am supposed to also include it into my website, I am letting you all see some of my work. This is a silly spreadsheet with a chart that I am going to embed right here into this blog today. That way I can end this section and say I did my homework! Sorry, I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to make the "Quarters" turn up in the headings so you will have to dock me a little for that. Or, if you know, just comment below and that will be "collaboration"! I used to be a teacher that had to keep a grade book can you tell? None of these children are real. I just sat here and made them all up. Because I went through every single one of the spreadsheets I have ever made on this computer and none of them have data. Not graphable data.

I have come to one conclusion...I make an awful lot of to-do lists and directories with names and addresses!

(Please feel free to comment below if you would like to OOOH and AAAAH over my great chart!)

Ryan Sloan ROCKS!!!

I just want to take a minute this morning and yell a big shout out THANK YOU to my eldest.  He has been keeping up with the bulk of the snow at our house and I am very grateful. When they were all little they begged to come out with me and shovel snow. He is not as excited about it as he used to be, but he does it nonetheless. I am glad we have him! Today he worked extra hard at the bottom of the driveway. That is always the worst!

We got some news this week that was not great. Please take a minute and read today's blog on Jo's Country Junction. My aunt Jo explains it better than I can. I just want all of you awesome prayer warriors to know so you can be praying for my uncle Roger. He is a great guy and we all love him a lot. They have been a huge support to us! I will try to keep everyone updated as they start down this road. I am so thankful that they have a great doctor and they are wasting no time getting answers and plan in place.

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous run into it and is safe."

Proverbs 18:10