Okay, so I have not posted for a few days. Let me tell you the truth, you would NOT have wanted to hear what I had to say. I didn't like hearing the thoughts that have been going through my head and so, I chose not to subject everyone else to them either.
Now though, after a few days of settling into the routine of morning and evening cleaning and repacking of wounds as we wait for over a week for surgery, and getting over the truth that I failed at taking care of my wound vac properly, I am in a better frame of mind. In fact, I am able to focus on some of my "mom duties" and realize there are a few things that need fixing.
The main thing is helping my two daughters who are TOTALLY opposite learn how to dwell together in peace while they share a room. Miss Clean and Tidy vs. Miss Messy is not what you want happening in your house day after day after day! Bless their hearts, they both are trying to be themselves and live the way they are best comfortable. They will be GREAT college room mates for someone after another 7 years of practice!
For now, the climax of the week came this morning when the blow up about clothing borrowed and not returned as promised was when I realized that I had just let these girls go back and forth for the last couple of weeks, annoyed more than concerned that they were learning to get along and working through their problems in a way that would work for them. I love that God has given me insight into how each one of them are wired, He is so great to provide the parenting wisdom when we ask! (James 1:5)
With each of them I was able to talk them through the emotion part and get through to the heart part where each of them could be convicted and realize that they weren't dealing with each other in love and respect, putting them in each other's shoes. This evening has been great, they have come together over sushi and in our house sushi (along with a lot of love) covers a multitude of sins!
Then there is the boys...Ryan is growing up before our eyes. He stands up to my eye and he is taking on some pretty big challenges. We have been able to spend more time together in the last couple weeks and I have felt pretty in tune with him. The littles have also enjoyed that Mom can once again snuggle (even if only lightly). Matthew and Zach are enjoying stories in my lap and all the things they need to fill their tanks.
Then there is my wonderful, awesome, husband...what a blessing he is to me! He has taken on every challenge that has arisen from this cancer journey and learned what he needs to and along with the physical needs that have come with the wound packing and the pain management, he has continued to pour out his love and given me the confidence to accept what is happening to me and my body and still make me feel like the center of his world. What a blessing!
As a little cherry on top of this week of hard emotional work, a little milestone occured tonight. As we got ready to go out to eat I threw on a pair of blue jeans to wear and it worked...they were comfortable! For the two hours we were out, I wore regular "go out to eat" clothes and not a frumpy pair sweat pants and a t-shirt!