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Thursday, October 10, 2013

Cancer Files: The Scars

There certainly are new things to get used to after a double mastectomy.  I have been focusing mostly on getting strength back and recovering from surgery and I have to admit - it isn't that great seeing myself in the mirror!  Hearing the doctor say "everything looks great" and feeling that everything looks great in the privacy of my own bathroom are two different things.

The last couple days it has started to sink in that when I get to feeling better and have my strength back, I will still look like this under all of my clothing.  The 20" incision across my mid section from hip to hip - will it always be bright red, swollen and numb?  Will the tissue on top ever really look like breasts?  And what about those scars?  Are they always going to be there?  I kinda still look like a woman and I am incredibly thankful for immediate reconstruction as an option.

It is quite a sight though.  As my wonderful husband said right away after the surgery, he was surprised that I still looked so much like me.  I smile and think that maybe he is right, I should just believe him - it could all be okay.  After all, I did have three C-Section scars and never thought twice about those (although they weren't 20" long).

My body was far from perfect before these surgeries began, not to mention the cancer that had made its way into my right breast and took up residence.  I will not complain about getting rid of that!  I think I am at the point where I realize it will take a little longer to get used to these battle scars than I first believed it would.

I was sort of thinking out loud this morning and God overheard me.  It was then that He reminded me of the ultimate battle scars - those my Savior took upon Himself in the battle with Satan for my soul.  Because He won, I am winning this battle too.  The perfect man took the scars of my sin and saved me and every other person who believes in Him as their Savior - then in Luke and John when he appeared to his disciples he showed them those scars as proof that He was indeed their Messiah.

In this physical realm, I will take up this cross as I follow Him.  He has laid out the path of this life for me.  There is nothing that happens to me that isn't sifted through His sovereign hands and I will follow with His help and encouragement from those whom He so graciously surrounds me with.  Nothing will separate me from His love - especially not the way this physical body looks!

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