Glorious

We are winding down to the end of the school year (even though we will be going to school this year through June 7th!) That means that end of the year concerts are happening. Monday was Zach's final band/choir concert of the year. He is in a group that is new this year called Audacity. They are an audition group that has been working on a few songs this spring.

They sang one of my favorites, especially fitting for middle school kids if they listen to the words. We all have our place in this symphony called life and having been a middle school teacher and having raised four middle schoolers (with the last one on his way), I have enjoyed being able to help a few of them along the way to find their place in that symphony.

Here is the video if you want to hear them:

Ryan and Dawn also sang this song in their last 8th grade concert two years ago. Both of them had solos. I tried to add the video for theirs too but my computer is saying that it is too big. The acoustics in a gymnasium are not always very good. Here are the lyrics if you are the kind of person that isn't always able to make out all of the words in a recording done in the school gymnasium. (Don't feel alone, that applies to almost everybody!)

There are times when, you might feel aimless

And can't see the places where you belong

But you will find that there is a purpose

Its been there within you all along

And when you're near it, you can almost feel it

It's like a symphony, just keep listening

And pretty soon you'll start to figure out your part

Everyone plays a piece and there are melodies

In each one of us, oh it's glorious

And you will know how to let it ring out

As you discover who you are

Others around you will start to wake up

To the sounds that are in their hearts

It's so amazing what we all are creating

(Chorus)

Oh and as you feel the notes build

Oh you will see

(Chorus)

Can you tell I am trying to keep my mind busy while we wait for tomorrow's PET scan results? Yes, it is true, but I do really love this song and I love that I've gotten to hear it at more than one middle school concert!

I have felt better today than I have felt in almost two weeks! It is like a miracle to me that yesterday I was practically crawling around my house without any energy and today I feel a whole lot better! I even accomplished a few things! God is good!

Chemo Nails

Along with our hair, our nails are fast growing cells that can often be affected by chemo. We have been trying to figure out how to keep my nails strong so I don't have to lose them this time around. For those of you who have been praying, my PET scan went well this morning and once again, they were able to get the IV into my arm instead of having to use my hand (which right now is already messed up enough!) Other than that, we will wait until Thursday when we will get results. For now there isn't much to report.

After my PET scan I had my nail appointment with Melanie at Special Effects. She had a big job today as my fingernails had been causing me a lot of pain. Here is is the gross truth about chemo and fingernails. My fingernails slowly start pulling away from my finger until the first and second fingers and thumbs are pulled away more than half way down.

Earlier this morning my index finger on the right hand popped off and I knew there would be no schlack on my nails today or for the foreseeable future. That is okay. I have been extremely frustrated with my inability to use my hands for anything during the last week and a half. Once the schlack came off we started trimming. It is somewhat gross but here is what happens when your nails pull away from your fingers.

Whenever we scratch something or pick something up, eat something with our fingers or absolutely ANYTHING that we use our hands for, little particles of whatever get stuck under our fingernails. When the gunk under there gets down too far to get out, it is stuck there. When we wash our hands the water gets stuck underneath and everything turns into goo, very disgusting goo.

It is a great place for infection to grow and not only that but the smell is disgusting too. In fact, several times in the last couple weeks the smell wakes me up in the middle of the night if my hands get too close to my nose while I am breathing. Every time I wipe or blow my nose (which is a lot with chemo drippy nose) I can smell the gross smell that rivals dirty diapers!

As much as I hate having to cut my nails extremely short, there is no smell and there is no place where infection to grow. And, as a perk, there is much less pain when I go to pick things up or use  my hands. I am thankful to Melanie who was willing to take on the task of cleaning up the mess that were my fingernails and for God who answered my prayer to boost my morale and give me some relief in my hands. This is a great start. Now, if the lymphedema would just go down in my right hand.

Weary Whining Alert!

Seems like this fat hand problem has moved in to stay for awhile. After dealing with it for a week and a half, it only getting worse, I called the doctor yesterday and asked them if I could come in so someone would look at it. I was feeling nauseous and just plain yucky but did get myself down to the doctor. Much to their shock my hand was (as I had said on the phone) swollen up worse than it has ever been.

First they sent me upstairs to get an ultrasound done to rule out a blood clot. I was thinking to myself that if it was a blood clot then God was sure protecting me because it has been this way for a week and a half! I didn't really know that it COULD have been a blood clot or I would have come earlier to have it checked out.

The worst part about it is that the only time I can use my hands is if I take morphine for the pain. Laying around watching Monk and Forensic Files reruns gets old. I read but only in short spurts because ten to fifteen minutes and I am sleepy and can't read. Having a few visitors last week and going a few places was good but the majority of the time it is just hanging out here.

So...doctor has determined this is a reaction (or re-reaction) to the sunburn that is happening with the oral chemo pill that I am taking. I was done with it for this round yesterday so I am praying that very soon I will start seeing some of the swelling go down. This particular chemo's side effects are mainly with skin. She explained to me that when patients are doing radiation with it that it will aggravate the radiated area. In my case, it was just this old sunburn that I got back on March 9th. That and the fact that my right arm has no lymph nodes to help it out!

Don't ever get a sunburn while you are on chemo...that is all I have to say! The sunburn that keeps on giving! I will be taking the next cycle off of the oral meds to give my hands some time to heal. Coming up on Tuesday I have another PET scan, and then on Thursday we will infuse the one chemo drug for this next round if we see from the PET results that this combo is working. It will be good to see if it is working or not. I think finding out it is working would boost my morale. It has tanked pretty low lately.

I feel silly getting so whiny about things with what my uncle and aunt are going through. I am linking to a few posts of Jo's if you want to get caught up with them and keep them in your prayers. I appreciate that a lot!

Jo's Country Junction - Thursday
Jo's Country Junction - Friday Morning
Jo's Country Junction - Friday Evening

Forever Blowing Bubbles

I always like to make note of everyone's achievements in the family. I would be remiss to not celebrate another milestone in our house. Matthew has been working hard to perfect bubble gum bubble blowing.

He has been determined and was very diligent in practicing. This in itself shows this mom that he has been growing. My Matthew has not always been patient in practicing something he hasn't perfected yet and many times gives up just a little bit too soon. But this time, a couple days of trying and practicing has yielded quick success for this guy.

He showed a good deal of perseverance and I am proud of this, even a small little one of life's accomplishments. He told me he didn't know how to blow a bubble. I only had to show him once and he took the "training" and started practicing.

And now, Matthew will be forever blowing bubbles!

Fat Hand (and other things)

Thursday Night

Saturday Night
(See my knuckle dimples!

I was at Stacey's soccer game on Tuesday night and as I left I could almost see my hand on the steering wheel puffing up bigger and bigger as I drove.

By Thursday it looked like the picture on the left. My skin was again bright red after the game (in which I had prepared with sunscreen and long sleeved shirt). I kid you not, there was no sun whatsoever shining on my skin anywhere. I really have no idea what caused the swelling. It wasn't til last night when I looked down and saw a glimpse of my dimples where my knuckles are. I hope that means we are going in the right direction.

The lymphedema, for some of you who may not know, comes from the fact that my right lymph nodes have been removed when they took out the three tumors the second time I fought this disease. It swells up at times but there has been nothing close to this! If this is going to happen every time I go outside it will be a long summer!

Some of you have asked about whether or not we have heard from Mayo yet. It seems that they have changed their procedures and I have to sign a release of my medical records before they can look at them. The office called me Friday to let me know. I drove down right before they closed and signed the form. So NOW Mayo can take a look at things.

I have had the same question asked me quite a few times lately so I thought I would take this post and give you all an updated specific prayer requests:

1. TOTAL healing from cancer.
2. That this treatment is working! (Next PET scan is May 7th)
3. That Mayo can give us some insight into what we are fighting.
4. Reduced swelling of my right hand.
5. Reduction or elimination of neuropathy numbness and pain in hands and feet. (I am currently unable to knit, crochet or write without pain and this is VERY difficult mentally for me!)
6. Continued prayers for the children as they process and deal with a sick mom and their relationships with God. That they know that God is still GOOD through all of this!
7. PRAISE for a monetary gift from Aiming For a Cure (if you want to donate money to a wonderful cause...check them out, they have a website if you want to Google them) so that we can take a weekend trip as a family this summer. We are going to take the kids to the Creation Museum and the Ark Encounter. We have wanted to to that for so long!
8. A weekend this summer that is free and I am feeling well so we can take the trip.
9. Fatigue...this treatment is two weeks of fatigue and only one week of feeling decent (I am learning how to do a lot of things from a sitting/laying down position).
10. Praise for the ladies who come on Tuesdays and Fridays to help me clean the house. It is nice to have company and a blessing to rest in a clean environment! We are SO very thankful for the people who have brought us meals too. With my lack of appetite it is hard to even think about what to make for supper!
11. PRAYER AND PRAISE for my amazing husband!!! Pray as he has taken over so much of what I can't do right now. He is currently planning and getting ready to install all of the electrical in the basement. It is always good to have a distraction when you are fighting cancer as we have found out through these last six years. I have been extremely blessed to be married to David for 26 1/2 years. He takes great care of us all.

Thank you all for reading to the end. I can't thank God enough for all of you who follow the blog. When I see some of you I haven't seen for awhile it is always the same thing. "I know we haven't seen each other in so long, but I keep up with your blog and pray". THANK YOU! God is hearing you and holding us all!

1 Thessalonians 5:17
Pray without ceasing.

Same God

I sat on Tuesday night at my Bible study watching a video of Kay Arthur teaching on the life of Joseph because for this year, we have been studying the book of Genesis. As I listened, I realized that I had watched these videos before a long time ago. I had studied Genesis in a Precept study back when it was newly released in 2000.

The lesson of the moment was so apparent to me as I watched something I will never forget. It was almost 20 years ago that I started understanding the sovereignty of my God which changed my whole walk with Him. It was 19 years ago when I first saw this video when Kay Arthur took off her ring and placed it in the palm of her hand. She explained that we are the ring, her hand was God. When she made a fist she showed how God protects us, when she opened her hand and the ring sat in her palm she explained that everything that happens to us is filtered through God's fingers of love.

So, we don't have to worry that God has looked away and left us to fend for ourselves. He is still holding us, only letting what He allows to affect us. Going deeper into my thoughts while I watched, I remember in 2000 when I first heard this message, I was an infertile woman reading through Genesis and learning from the lives of several barren women (Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel) that it is God who opens wombs.

Every prayer back then and every focus at that time was that God would open my womb. I had no promise like Sarah but Rebekah's husband prayed for God to open her womb and He did. I knew that my husband was praying for me, so...maybe. Rachel wasn't promised anything and we don't know if there were prayers going up but we do know she desperately wanted children. I desperately wanted children (and I knew that I was David's FAVORITE wife) God answered Rachel's prayer with a yes eventually. Maybe He would answer mine "yes" too. I prayed all the time through that study that God would open my womb and that I would someday be a mom.

It has been interesting studying Genesis through a different lens 19 years later as a mom of five, three of which are two years from adulthood. The barrenness is not so much the focus this time but I see more about the qualities of a God who loves (often even when we are going the wrong direction or denying truth).

I wrote a note in my journal Tuesday night, "'Filtered through His fingers of love'. I heard this same video almost 20 years ago now! This was where God's sovereignty started clicking for me. Here I am 19 years later, different trial - SAME GOD!" God's sovereignty has kept me in His grip through infertility, the overwhelming birth of triplets, a child with autism, and cancer three times. I will admit, it is different this third time. It is wearying and we are left wondering more of the time than not. But we still rely on
the same God.

In fact, we serve the same God as Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. From my very first teacher I had when I first started studying the Bible inductively, I have a calligraphy framed that says "He is the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Jody" That is just as true today as it was the day she gave it to me and a great reminder to me that He was, He is, and He is to come.

There is no doubt that understanding God's sovereignty has held me through all of this. Knowing that He is holding me has come from my studying God's Word. If you need encouragement, if you need a deeper understanding of God's sovereignty, read His Word. His character, and understanding who He is will strengthen your faith. I know it has mine through the years. God has prepared me as He does everyone, it is part of that filtering. It may be a different trial - but He is the SAME GOD!

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever!"

Hebrews 13:8

70 Candles

My parents were born on the same day. This year marks their 70th birthday and that is something we were excited to celebrate with them last weekend. We spent the week thinking of all the favorite (and not so favorite) foods that we ate as kids and came up with a smorgasbord of yumminess as we took a walk down memory lane. I am only sorry that I didn't take a picture of my plate before I ate.

Our dinner consisted of Tater Tot Hot Dish, Chicken Tetrazzini, Taco Salad, Rice Pudding and Cottage Cheese and Applesauce (which we could eat together as we did as kids). Jeremy thought about making Potato Dumplings but some things are just better left in the past. As I was thinking about it this week I realized I could have baked some homemade whole wheat bread and made Mom's awesome baked fried chicken too (which we still eat at our house).

Just for fun, here is how you blow out 70 candles in case you ever need to know...

First, cover the smoke detector

Second, wait for the spirited yet
unpredictable version of "Happy Birthday"
to be sung by your family

Third, take a DEEP breath

Fourth, blow REALLY hard!
(can you see, they blew out almost ALL
of them with the first blow! Just that
top corner remained! We were pretty
proud!)

Fifth, get that last little corner

Sixth, a kiss for a job well done!

 Love you Mom and Dad!!!