Around the Dinner Table

With me not always feeling well, we as a family have gotten away from eating together at the table regularly. Understandably I suppose, but I haven’t liked this new development. Everyone was home tonight so I called everyone to the table.

Children sat down and the prayer was said. Then...it was total chaos! Everyone talking at once and trying to get their two cents in. David got up from the table and quickly went into the kitchen. The kids were wondering what was up and I started laughing.

David came back to the table with a wooden spoon and handed it to me. It was my turn to talk. The kids thought it was funny that I knew exactly what Dad was doing when he got up from the table. He laid down the rules, if you aren't holding the spoon, you are not to speak.

It worked out pretty well as the family remembered how to have a civil conversation! There was a lot of laughing! We also talked about how having help from some of the ladies at our church with some house cleaning each week has helped them to see how nice things can be when they pick up after themselves. We also decided that everyone would try to be better at doing their part around here through the summer that will get very busy very fast!

And with that, I had a couple of helpers in the kitchen to clean up after supper. It was a good day.

Fancy Hand

I forgot over the past two months that I had taken off my wedding ring when my hands were so bad and I had to put lotion on constantly and the pain and itching of the rash was bothersome.

The ring was in a dish on my bedside table when I was searching for something else this morning. My skin is MUCH better taking this cycle off from one of the two chemo meds.

You can see that this time chemo is doing a number on my fingernails. All of them this time. So why not pretty my hand up a bit by wearing my ring again!

Now if we can just get my “Incredible Hulk” left hand to shrink a little! I can’t remember which one of the kids said it but it was said “It looks like you should just be able to take a pin and pop it!” Oh child...if only we could!!

LOUD Family Game Night

Earlier this week we had a rare night when everyone was home and so we played some games. Four of the kids went downstairs and picked a game. Matthew came up with the game he always chooses but he got shot down because everyone wanted something different. So the he came back upstairs with Hungry, Hungry Hippos!

I figured he would get a big thumbs down for that too but no, everyone was excited to play Hungry, Hungry Hippos. Bummer, there can only be four players. Mom sat out of that one.

Next we pulled out Encore. That is a game where you get a word or category and teams take turns singing songs with that word or from that category. The rule is you have to sing a complete line of lyric for it to count but we fudge just a little and make the person sing until someone else recognizes the song. That went on for over an hour and then it was time for bed. It was a fun family game night if I must say so myself!

Still Here...Just a Little Dizzy Lately

It has been a rough couple of weeks for me. It started after treatment when my nephropathy started to get worse. There is now pain in both of my legs below the knee and my hand and arms below the elbow. I have morphine I take at bedtime. Some nights it works, some nights, not so much!

Sleeping has been tricky. Some nights I can get some sleep, other nights it is hard. Looking back today I think I have caught some kind of a cold bug or allergies have moved into my chest. I stopped in last week to tell the doctor that when I get up I get dizzy and hear static in my ears.

She said it probably had to do with this sinus stuff I am dealing with so I keep doing my sinus rinse and take my vitamins. Well, Saturday night at Mom and Dad's I got up a little too fast. I am used to the dizziness and I was holding myself up at the bar as I dipped a chip and before I knew it there were people all around me trying to get me to the chair.

I passed out. First time ever in my life. It was weird but I was okay, I wasn't out very long at all although I don't remember any of it after the chip got dipped. I hit my cheek and my shoulder but nothing serious. Thankfully there were people around. I know I have missed a few grad parties that happened over the weekend and I am really sorry I didn't get to stop by.

It is better today. I haven't been as dizzy. I got a lymph massage on my "Incredible Hulk" arm and again stopped in to report my passing out episode to  my doctor. We are going to try some Claritin D and if it isn't better in a couple of days, I will call them and I will get passed to my ENT to see if it is some kind of inner ear issue. Or, I am getting older, maybe I am losing my hearing.

3XFIGHT

2nd Protocol Treatment #3

I went in early this morning to get started. We are taking this cycle off of the double whammy chemo plan so that my skin can recover. So today it was just my three hour infusion and then I was on my way. I stopped into the physical therapy office and made an appointment for tomorrow morning to work on getting some of my swelling in my right hand to go down. There at PCI the therapists specialize in lymph massage. We will see how many appointments it will take.

I am SO ready to have my right hand back! I have tried writing a little and I can in short spurts. My hand gets tired quickly. However...I have collected some fat barreled pens that are much more comfortable to write with! I should do a pen review one of these posts. I have done research! I do feel a little like I am back in kindergarten with my big fat yellow pencil! But it works and I am not stir crazy without something to do.


My fingernails are crashing and burning quickly. I am soaking them in a 3x1 bleach mix every night and am on an antibiotic for this and my cellulitis on my right arm. I can’t believe my arm has been swollen for over three weeks and I haven’t got an infection til now. We are on it though.

Over all, my condition is good. I am in a better place mentally this week with the renewal of hope and feeling again like we are winning some of the battles in this fight. It really is God who is revealing Himself more as we go along this road. I was feeling pretty good about my level of trust in Him, a little too cocky maybe. He has led me to trust Him MORE:

• To trust when the feeling isn't there. 
• To remember what I KNOW about Him during those times when I don't feel like I see Him moving. 
• To remember His promises.
• To truly rest.

It is hard for this very impatient girl to wait for these lessons because learning and growing takes time. Time and testing. I am thankful that the Lord knows me and knows what I need to not only get through this, but to also hopefully grow and get stronger along the way. My physical strength may be lacking right now but I am learning the strength that comes when we get to the end of ourselves. It is swinging on the knot at the end of the rope and trusting Him for tomorrow.

A Little Work and A Little Play

It has been a pretty low key day here at the Sloan house. Two soccer games were played  and attended; one loss, one win. Lots of blue electrical boxes were installed in the basement and a doorway moved down there as well. Dad and David worked on that this afternoon, a perfect project for this May Saturday that feels more like October outside.

I have been good and have worn my compression sleeve and glove the last couple of days. My arm feels better even though it doesn’t feel like the swelling has gone down very much. I have a big toe that needs better attention than is has gotten with the other stuff that has been going on with me.

Along with my fingernails, my two big toes get messed up with chemo too. Not as bad and not the other toes, just the big ones. Well, I kicked the side of the recliner about two weeks ago, stubbing my toe and it looks nasty. It was oozing and I will most likely lose the nail. For now I need to focus on taking better care of it. The last thing I need is an infected big toe!

Our rule in the house during the school year is no video game playing except on weekends. Sometimes that brings a few bad attitudes when I tell some that a chore needs to be done. That is the negative of video games. But today I caught a video game moment that made my heart happy. It also got me thinking about these two young men and how they are not my little boys anymore.

I actually love seeing them enjoying each other’s company. And, sometimes it is while playing video games. It was a good day!

Today’s Results

   I am sitting in my van making sure I contact everyone who has been waiting to hear our news for today. I thought maybe I would just sit here and post a blog from my cell phone (since that is one of the things I learned in my Google 101 class.)

I told God this morning that I would praise Him either way but today He made it a lot easier when we heard “DECREASE in liver size” and “DECREASE in all liver lesions”!!! So yes, this totally awful, ridiculously full of side effects treatment is WORKING! But now I know I can handle it. I said at the beginning that I would do whatever it takes and I will with God’s help.

Doc is giving me a week off of all chemo to try to get my body (especially my arms and hands ) healed up a bit. She said we went in pretty aggressive with this since the last PET looked awful. I am glad she did. We can tweak it some to manage side effects better if we need to. I say let’s just go in and keep attacking.

All in due time. For now we celebrate a battle won in this war. Recouping to meet the next challenge sounds good. Thanks for praying, thanks for caring, thanks for loving me and all of the Sloans. Words can’t even describe how grateful we are for you all!

Glorious

We are winding down to the end of the school year (even though we will be going to school this year through June 7th!) That means that end of the year concerts are happening. Monday was Zach's final band/choir concert of the year. He is in a group that is new this year called Audacity. They are an audition group that has been working on a few songs this spring.

They sang one of my favorites, especially fitting for middle school kids if they listen to the words. We all have our place in this symphony called life and having been a middle school teacher and having raised four middle schoolers (with the last one on his way), I have enjoyed being able to help a few of them along the way to find their place in that symphony.

Here is the video if you want to hear them:

Ryan and Dawn also sang this song in their last 8th grade concert two years ago. Both of them had solos. I tried to add the video for theirs too but my computer is saying that it is too big. The acoustics in a gymnasium are not always very good. Here are the lyrics if you are the kind of person that isn't always able to make out all of the words in a recording done in the school gymnasium. (Don't feel alone, that applies to almost everybody!)

There are times when, you might feel aimless

And can't see the places where you belong

But you will find that there is a purpose

Its been there within you all along

And when you're near it, you can almost feel it

It's like a symphony, just keep listening

And pretty soon you'll start to figure out your part

Everyone plays a piece and there are melodies

In each one of us, oh it's glorious

And you will know how to let it ring out

As you discover who you are

Others around you will start to wake up

To the sounds that are in their hearts

It's so amazing what we all are creating

(Chorus)

Oh and as you feel the notes build

Oh you will see

(Chorus)

Can you tell I am trying to keep my mind busy while we wait for tomorrow's PET scan results? Yes, it is true, but I do really love this song and I love that I've gotten to hear it at more than one middle school concert!

I have felt better today than I have felt in almost two weeks! It is like a miracle to me that yesterday I was practically crawling around my house without any energy and today I feel a whole lot better! I even accomplished a few things! God is good!

Chemo Nails

Along with our hair, our nails are fast growing cells that can often be affected by chemo. We have been trying to figure out how to keep my nails strong so I don't have to lose them this time around. For those of you who have been praying, my PET scan went well this morning and once again, they were able to get the IV into my arm instead of having to use my hand (which right now is already messed up enough!) Other than that, we will wait until Thursday when we will get results. For now there isn't much to report.

After my PET scan I had my nail appointment with Melanie at Special Effects. She had a big job today as my fingernails had been causing me a lot of pain. Here is is the gross truth about chemo and fingernails. My fingernails slowly start pulling away from my finger until the first and second fingers and thumbs are pulled away more than half way down.

Earlier this morning my index finger on the right hand popped off and I knew there would be no schlack on my nails today or for the foreseeable future. That is okay. I have been extremely frustrated with my inability to use my hands for anything during the last week and a half. Once the schlack came off we started trimming. It is somewhat gross but here is what happens when your nails pull away from your fingers.

Whenever we scratch something or pick something up, eat something with our fingers or absolutely ANYTHING that we use our hands for, little particles of whatever get stuck under our fingernails. When the gunk under there gets down too far to get out, it is stuck there. When we wash our hands the water gets stuck underneath and everything turns into goo, very disgusting goo.

It is a great place for infection to grow and not only that but the smell is disgusting too. In fact, several times in the last couple weeks the smell wakes me up in the middle of the night if my hands get too close to my nose while I am breathing. Every time I wipe or blow my nose (which is a lot with chemo drippy nose) I can smell the gross smell that rivals dirty diapers!

As much as I hate having to cut my nails extremely short, there is no smell and there is no place where infection to grow. And, as a perk, there is much less pain when I go to pick things up or use  my hands. I am thankful to Melanie who was willing to take on the task of cleaning up the mess that were my fingernails and for God who answered my prayer to boost my morale and give me some relief in my hands. This is a great start. Now, if the lymphedema would just go down in my right hand.

Weary Whining Alert!

Seems like this fat hand problem has moved in to stay for awhile. After dealing with it for a week and a half, it only getting worse, I called the doctor yesterday and asked them if I could come in so someone would look at it. I was feeling nauseous and just plain yucky but did get myself down to the doctor. Much to their shock my hand was (as I had said on the phone) swollen up worse than it has ever been.

First they sent me upstairs to get an ultrasound done to rule out a blood clot. I was thinking to myself that if it was a blood clot then God was sure protecting me because it has been this way for a week and a half! I didn't really know that it COULD have been a blood clot or I would have come earlier to have it checked out.

The worst part about it is that the only time I can use my hands is if I take morphine for the pain. Laying around watching Monk and Forensic Files reruns gets old. I read but only in short spurts because ten to fifteen minutes and I am sleepy and can't read. Having a few visitors last week and going a few places was good but the majority of the time it is just hanging out here.

So...doctor has determined this is a reaction (or re-reaction) to the sunburn that is happening with the oral chemo pill that I am taking. I was done with it for this round yesterday so I am praying that very soon I will start seeing some of the swelling go down. This particular chemo's side effects are mainly with skin. She explained to me that when patients are doing radiation with it that it will aggravate the radiated area. In my case, it was just this old sunburn that I got back on March 9th. That and the fact that my right arm has no lymph nodes to help it out!

Don't ever get a sunburn while you are on chemo...that is all I have to say! The sunburn that keeps on giving! I will be taking the next cycle off of the oral meds to give my hands some time to heal. Coming up on Tuesday I have another PET scan, and then on Thursday we will infuse the one chemo drug for this next round if we see from the PET results that this combo is working. It will be good to see if it is working or not. I think finding out it is working would boost my morale. It has tanked pretty low lately.

I feel silly getting so whiny about things with what my uncle and aunt are going through. I am linking to a few posts of Jo's if you want to get caught up with them and keep them in your prayers. I appreciate that a lot!

Jo's Country Junction - Thursday
Jo's Country Junction - Friday Morning
Jo's Country Junction - Friday Evening