A Mother's Thoughts

This morning was one of those rough mornings. At least for a little while. The two little boys had a doctor's appointment. I had waited as long as I could before sending Zach to get his 4-5 year shots. You know, the controversy...do vaccines harm autistic children? I have read both sides of the debate. Doctors on both sides, saying the opposite things. Some with autistic children, some with funding from pharmaceutical companies.

I think that there are good points on both sides of the issue. But for this mom, I tend to lean toward the side that lines up the most with my experience. I have learned in this experience that medicine is not an exact science, and I wish I didn't I feel so inadequate to speak up. Our doctor is understanding and has told us he wants to support us in the things we would like in regard to Zach's care. But still, I don't always feel like I have any choice in the matter.

I started the morning talking to God about the whole thing. I woke up stressed out and worried. I asked Him to put a hedge of protection around his mind and his body in any of the areas that may be affected by the "not so good" things that are in the vaccines. This was one of those times I second guessed whether I know what is best for my child. Zach has made some great progress on his journey in the past two years or so. I can not be prouder of the determined little boy he has become. The last two times he has had shots we have noticed changes in his behavior and the amount of control he has. So, here we are again a few years down the road and I was a little worked up. I know that God has knit him together and knows every inch of him inside and out. He knows how he will react to the shots this time around and He knows all that the future holds. I know it in my head and I love that I can rest knowing that He loves Zachary even more than I do.

Zach was so tough when it came time to get the shots. As he told me a few times today "I didn't cry, Mom. Matthew cried and cried". We celebrated his bravery by eating out for supper. Each day that ends like today is one that I cherish. We got home from eating out and he told me as he got out of the van "Mom, I want to hug you because I love that we get to go to eat at a restaurant". Then as I closed the door of his room after tucking him in he said "I am going to love you Mom, I am going to love you a lot!" You just can't ask for more than that!